Rules Don't Apply — Minus a Plus One

I was halfway to Lox bagel shop, on a mission to acquire a tub of cream cheese for my newly purchased bagels from Aldi* and be back in time for my next meeting when I stopped suddenly and looked down.

Being Day 23 of #QuarantineLife, I had dressed in my Pride rainbow leggings that morning thinking – no one is going to see me so might as well mix it up and throw these on! Ironically it wasn’t much later that I stood less than three blocks past my apartment realizing my ridiculous outfit choice on a random Tuesday morning before deciding ‘who cares?’ and kept going.

I arrived at Lox and waited for someone to pop out and take my order – one tub of caramelized cream cheese with thyme, and a sausage breakfast sandwich; because #SupportLocalBusinesses. When she brought it out a few minutes later, she commented on my leggings. I explained I hadn’t intended to leave my apartment and did the whole work from home life, you know? shrug and she laughed before stating “I love them. And why not? No rules, right?”

No rules indeed. Yes, we are in unprecedented times where in the absence of basic freedoms, we’ve forgone rules in pretty much every controllable circumstance. Exes are reaching out, limited screen time is out the window, and we’re all just trying to survive with our sanity at the end of the day.

I FaceTimed a good friend this past weekend. She sheepishly held up her wine glass, commenting that it wasn’t even noon yet and she was already enjoying a glass of rosè.

Rosè before noon? Double fisting wine when the clock strikes five? No judgment folks. No rules. Because #QuarantineLife.

Last Wednesday I was walking laps around the park not far from my apartment for something to do while enjoying the fresh air, and a little toot fell out of my bum around lap two. My first reaction was to feel embarrassed, but upon looking left and right, forward and behind, I realized no one was within 30 feet of me, let alone six. And I call that a #SocialDistancingWin.

My friend made a delicious broccoli salad complete with bacon, dried cranberries, and sunflower seeds before being drenched in a mayonnaise/sugar/vinegar concoction. Meant to be served as a side salad, I made a batch for myself… and consumed the entire thing in one day for snack, lunch, and dinner. Did I feel shame? Nope because #QuarantineDiet

Really. Rules don’t apply.

Did you lay in bed for an entire hour before you finally got up, took a shower, and brushed your teeth? If you did, that’s OK. Because congrats - you got out of bed! And honestly, sometimes that’s a win all on its own.

Did you have plans to do something, anything, productive with your day but instead binged the entire series of Tiger King in one sitting? Be gone noisy, bell-ringing lady announcing Cersei’s atonement in Season 5, Episode 8 of Game of Thrones! There’ll be no shaming today!

Yes, you can wear those sweatpants for six days straight. (Or rainbow tights on a Tuesday morning for that matter).

Yes, it’s perfectly fine if you destroyed your entire kitchen to “reorganize it” to take up a few of the 23.5 hours a day you spend in your home. #SelfIsolationActivity

Yes, you can respond to your ex you swore off years ago as we near the month mark of shelter-in-place for our respective cities. (Minus Iowa. Get it together Iowa!! #Please)

Yes, it’s fine that you are pushing your late 30s and purchased a week supply of Lunchables complete with Capri Suns. #Nostalgia

Yes, you can consider your neighbor’s invitation to smoke with him out of sheer boredom. Rules be damned! #Quarantine (Okay, I haven’t actually accepted this invitation, but the thought did cross my mind because - no rules! #Survive)

Adopt a puppy, sign up for Rosetta Stone’s life time membership for only $200 (that’s $100 off!) or spend your free time taking photos of Michelle Obama’s smiling face from her memoir Becoming joining you for lunch, movies on the couch and relaxing baths. (I’ve done one of these three... can you guess which one?)

Just a little quarantine quality time with my favorite. I love the way she looks at me. #deephappysigh

In a world of little balance or moderation, love yourself, love others, and just keep doing the best you can. Only you can determine what that is. And some days, you might set the bar at an eating-Lunchables-wearing-rainbow-tights-wondering-if-you-put-on-deodorant all time low.

And that’s okay.

Fill this time with grace toward yourself and others. Keep your judgment to yourself about how anyone should navigate these uncharted waters. We have no idea what tomorrow holds, though it may be a world without toilet paper if the hoarding doesn’t stop. (Please stop. I only have three double rolls of Charmin left for my one bum, which all credit is owed to Fall 2019 Katie for being lazy and purchasing one giant pack to avoid the inconvenience of purchasing a more sensible amount each month. Bless your laziness, child, for this small, sweet victory it has afforded us).

Finally, keep finding the positives in each day. While times are challenging, a lot of beauty and love has been poured out into the world too. Eventually, we’ll be on the other side of this. Until then, I’ll be enjoying my alone time in the park with my quarantine bae Michelle - she’s just met and fallen in love with Barack! #SelfIsolationSwoon #Cheers

*It has come to my attention not everyone has an Aldi in their neck of the woods. #tragic. Aldi is a fantastic, no thrills, low priced grocery store featuring no name brands and deals for days!