Super Woman
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
Why am I so hard on myself?
It’s a question I’ve asked myself less as I’ve gotten older, but was a consistent observation in my twenties and early thirties.
It’s not just me, but women in general. We are pushing ourselves constantly it seems – to be better, to be prettier, thinner, more successful – and all by a certain timeline none of us agreed to.
These thoughts that I’d tucked away resurfaced recently when an article a friend posted on Linked In caught my eye. The title boldly stated – “9 Things These Highly Productive Work-From-Home Women Do By 9 a.m.” and my competitive nature perked up.
I wanted to be more productive. I was always up for a personal challenge. I was also a bit curious.
How close was my routine to that of these alleged “Highly Productive Women?”
I quickly scanned through the items.
1. Meditate
2. Workout
3. Yoga
4. Eat a Hearty Breakfast
5. Drink Coffee
6. Get Dressed for Work
7. Catch up with Family and Friends
8. Make a To Do List
9. Switch Off (suggested time: 20-30 minutes)
For the most part, they all made sense. I was completely on board with nearly all nine items, outside of the ask to ‘Drink Coffee’ and “Get Dressed for Work” to the extent the photo suggested. A woman perched over her laptop smiled brightly from her kitchen table in a skirt and blazer with bold, gold statement earrings. Considering I stopped wearing a bra around June, this was asking a bit much in my opinion.
My friend was into yoga and meditation, and I eagerly sent her the article.
“Check out #1!” I said, “and 3! And kinda #2! Ignore 6,” I joked rolling my eyes at the thought of sitting in a skirt in my apartment alone in the middle of winter.
“Yessss!” she responded. “Love this. And definitely not getting dressed,” she joked back. But then her next words made me do a double take.
“Wait … I have to do ALL of that by 9 AM?”
I quickly glanced back at the title. And suddenly, my advocacy of this article and all its great tips was replaced with that all too familiar feeling of disappointment and resentment.
Did all nine items made great sense?
Yes.
Would I would love to work toward knocking more of them out each day?
Yes.
Would it benefit me to workout out and meditate and do yoga and connect with my family and eat a healthy breakfast?
Absolutely. They all made sense.
Why before 9 AM?
Why do we constantly put unobtainable deadlines on people? And more specifically, on women?
I’ve lost count out of the number of women who are harder than selves because they aren’t in a relationship. Early twenties to late and into the next decade – we are constantly comparing and criticizing – never feeling like we’re measuring up.
And articles like this don’t help. They only make it worse.
What woman can possibly do all nine of these on any given morning? In Covid times, I call it a win if I can get out of bed before 8:30 and stumble in front of my laptop to start checking my email after brushing my teeth.
On my best days I get a workout in, or maybe a quick yoga session. Sometimes I “meditate” which really has become me lying in bed a little longer with my eyes closed.
Never all three.
Catching up with friends and family? My parents are still asleep. They are an hour behind me, and I’m not sure they want to wake up and here my updates from my evening which likely consisted of drinking wine, watching The Crown, and sleeping a solid eight hours.
Can we say ‘enough’ already?
Can we encourage women (and men) to do things on their own timeline? Does it have to be 9 AM versus 9 PM? Can it be just as normal to marry in your 40s as it is in your 20s? Or not at all? Can the decision to have children be something we don’t automatically assume will happen? Can we remove the pressure of timelines that don’t serve us?
What does it sound like to start a healthier conversation?
In a world where comparisons are at our fingertips, can we stop finding more examples of how we are falling behind?
Can we shift toward equal, obtainable expectations regardless of gender, or race, or sexual-orientation?
In a year continuously labeled unprecedented, can we encourage more than we compare? Be more vulnerable and less “perfect?”
As we tiptoe into a new year, and breathe a sigh of relief to 2020 being behind us, can we balance being productive with being human?
In a meeting with my peers this week, when we shared our resolutions for the year, none of them were to exercise more, or lose weight or really to accomplish anything substainal. Instead, we share things like “pay attention” and “be present” and I think that is one positive thing that came out of 2020. Sometimes, it’s okay not to thrive and achieve - sometimes surviving and going back to the basics is a feat in and of itself.
I didn’t forward the article to anyone else. Nor did I feel disappointed for not accomplishing more of the list. But I did FaceTime my friend from bed before 9 AM the other day, and one out of nine ain’t all bad.
Maybe next week, I’ll even put a bra on.